This rose bloomed right next to the front door of my grandma’s house. A bouquet of bloomed roses represents gratitude. **A kiss from a sweet smelling rose is that of a gentle, loving kiss from God**
My grandmothers kisses were always soft, and warm. Kind of like the first bite into a chewy oatmeal raisin cookie. I’m so thankful I remembered to cherish the sensations of all my favorite things about her. I can be pretty forgetful sometimes. So, when it came down to the last few months, I had to put some serious focus into every interaction that made me all warm and fuzzy about her. I would slow time down when I held her hand. Everything disappeared from the room when I lay my head on her to listen to the beat of her heart and the rise of her chest while she lay her hand on top of my head.
Gratefulness (gratitude) was what got me through the hardest times. It was the ability to be grateful that gave me joy on the inside even though I was broken on the outside. Joy was my core strength, but I’ll talk about joy another time. Gratitude was the path I took when I needed to find my center, find my joy.
There’s a sense of relief that comes over you when you reflect back on a tough time in life and realize, “Hey, I’m alright. I made it.” Reflection is like watching a heart wrenching movie for the second time. The sad parts aren’t as bad, not because they are less sad, but because you know the good part is coming and they all live happily ever after. See, gratefulness works the same way. It’s like knowing how the story ends without actually knowing what the ending is.
Christmas could have been a disaster this year. There were several opportunities for my mother and I to all but destroy one another but an attitude of gratitude kept the storm clouds in the distance. Take the cookie incident. You wouldn’t believe the passion two women could possess in determining how much flour should be sprinkled onto a roll of dough before spooning out the cookies. We both walked away from the argument and let the cookies and our tempers cool off for a while. There was a time when those cookies would have started WWIII! Instead of being mad, I thought about how far we’ve come and I found myself grateful. The gratefulness then lead the way to joy… Long story short, it ended up being one of the best Christmas’ I’ve ever had.
Back in October, I tore my achilles. This could have been the worst few months of my life. I mean, here it is mid-January and I’m still in this stinking boot. I’ve been off work this whole time and missed an entire months pay because who knows what the heck is going on at the disability office but answering people’s questions by phone is NOT one of them! Much of these past few months were spent laying down with my foot up (I love to be on the go, talk about a wet blanket on my life).
But here’s why these have been the best few months of my life: By being forced to lay down, I had no option but to take inventory of my life and prepare for what’s next. One major life change was deciding not to go to law school and pursuing this ‘writing thing’ wholeheartedly. I’m doing my best to set myself up for success in mind, body, and spirit. It’s as if all the final pieces to the “becoming an independent adult” puzzle are fitting into place. Maya Angelou said that “Genitalia indicated sex, but work, discipline, courage and love were needed for the creation of men and women.” I’m coming into my true womanhood, and I’m so grateful.
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I felt like I had just gotten over the grieving period when I got hurt. Sadness had worn me out, so I made the only choice that made sense to me. I chose joy by way of gratefulness. I was grateful for tearing my stupid achilles while I was waiting in the E.R. I knew I would be learning some lessons even though I had no idea yet what those would be. I was grateful for seeing an orthopedic specialist especially when I had to wait an entire month just to get SCHEDULED for a surgery everyone knew I needed directly following the injury. Shoot, I was even thankful for the insurance that put me through that crap, because (knock on wood) I haven’t had to pay a dime. I’ve been thankful every friggin’ step of the way. Literally 😉
As far as counting my blessings go, I started noticing good things just falling into my lap. They were kind of random too. My cup was running over, there was a job offer, a wheelchair free of charge, I still was able to travel (and the boot got us to the front of line). It came to the point that I couldn’t complain if I tried. Christians say it’s faith when you praise God for things you have and what hasn’t come yet. Buddhists would say it’s karma. However you say it and whoever you are, I say it’s just a simple rule. You get what you give. When you put out gratitude, you get things to be grateful for.
Lilli's Garden 